The Power of Words

Words matter. How we communicate our ideas and describe our feelings has a huge effect on how the other person perceives us and whether we’re moving forward lock-step or we trip ourselves and end up in a misunderstanding—or worse.

Let’s start with word choice. Let’s say you’re upset with a colleague within your organization. Compare these two different ways of expressing it:

“You make me feel so angry when you do that!”

or

“When this happens, I get really angry.”

The first one is an accusation. It’s totally about the other person. It blames them, faults them and puts them on the defensive. Depending on the other person’s personality, they’re either going to swing back and tell you all the things that you do wrong, or they’ll fold up their emotional tent and withdraw. This is where we usually get into some tough arguments with one another.

The second one is all about you. It takes full responsibility for how you react without pointing a finger at the other person. It communicates your feelings while, at the same time, opens the door for discussion. Blame and accusation are left at the door. Subtle word choice, potentially big difference in outcome.

Here’s another example of how words can affect outcome and attitude. Let’s say you make a mistake. For many of us, the first thought is, “That was stupid of me” or “I’m such an idiot.” Self-shredding is a knee-jerk reaction, especially when we feel embarrassed or humiliated.

As an alternative, you could lament what happened—“Dang! I made a mistake!” without putting yourself down. You could say, “Alright. I blew it” and immediately pivot to, “Now, what do I have to do to prevent that from happening again?” or “What do I need to do to clean it up and move on?” Focusing on the facts of what took place and taking whatever action is required keeps you out of the shred bin and on the path of improvement—a far more beneficial place in the long run.

As your day unfolds, try and listen to the words you’re using and the words you hear from others. Take a moment and see what effect those words have and whether small changes in what you say can get you a completely different result.

Remember: Words have power. Make sure you put that power to work for you.